So Last Night...

Was pasta Thursday, which is my favorite day of the week, followed closely by pasta monday. So yeah, last night was pasta night so I made myself the usual pasta feast that I enjoy. Just so everyone knows, I enjoy putting a concoction composed of melted butter and garlic on my pasta. Sometimes it is known as buttlic. Either way, this is how I prefer to eat my pasta. Well last night at some point I spilled this concoction all over the dog. I felt terrible about this. As I watched my dog nearly chew her leg off while enjoying the treat, I felt less bad about it. So that was my story. I spilled garlic butter all over my dog and she has never been happier.

If I Had Two Extra Cents, I Would Throw It In...

I will admit that I don't follow everything that is going on in the world, am I proud of this? Not really, but hey, I am lazy. There is one thing that try as I may, I have not been able to avoid, and that is all of this hoopla about the 99%. I understand, for the most part, the reasoning behind what is going on. I actually agree with the protests. This is the reason why I thought I would say my peace on this matter.

I am by no means rich, loaded, well to do, the 1%, I am however, better off than most. I come from a middle class family. My dad worked his ass off at the same job for more than 30+ years. He got up every day at 5 in the morning and sometimes didn't return home until 7, 8 or even 9 at night. Worked weekends. Holidays. Everyday for 30 years, and I never once heard him complain about it. Until the day that his job folded because there was no need for it anymore (this was after the economy tanked, not before). Now my dad is pushing 60, making a little above minimum wage as a janitor and waking up at 3 a.m. to go to work. He still doesn't complain, he should. It doesn't bother him but it does me. I feel bad for my dad as I watch him struggle to pay his bills. Every bill he has continues to go up, yet his wage goes down. His property taxes have more than doubled in the last few years, yet his house has lost a significant amount of the value. He pays his bills on time every month. This is getting harder for him to do.

My mom has worked for as long as I can remember as well. I don't think she has ever gotten out of work at the time she was supposed to. She too has busted her ass for many, many years. She hasn't taken a pay cut or anything like that, but I have watched over the years as more and more of her pension has been taken back. Her job is in danger all of the time. She complains about all of this stuff. I understand. It pisses me off too. She has looked forward to retirement for many years. In the past couple of years it has come a reality to her that retirement is a myth for her. She may be able to "retire" from the job she has now, but will truly never leave the work force. Both of my parents will most likely die while working. This isn't a joke.

I feel that my parents did a great job raising me. My parents worked hard so we could go to a hotel the next town over to stay at a hotel. They never lived beyond their means. I never saw them buy a brand new car. They never bought all of the toys. I think my dad got a CD player with in the past 5 years and the only reason he has a DVD player is because someone gave it to him for free. The worked hard so that they could give me the things that I needed or wanted. I didn't get all of those things, and I have come to terms with that. My parents only bought things out of necessity when I was younger. My parents started to enjoy themselves a little more as I got older and started working and earning a steady paycheck. I have watched over the past couple of years as this has slowed down. I have seen the first signs of aging in my parents. Maybe it was always there and I just never noticed it. Maybe it was caused by all of the above stuff. I really don't know. I hate that my parents killed themselves for so long to have a better life, but because of the greed of others, they may never reap these rewards. And they aren't the only ones. There are plenty of people out there going through the same thing, some even worse things. People who spent years working hard. People who are now paying for the "mistakes" that others have made. At least they have social security to look forward to. That was a joke. Kind of. They may actually get some of that.

Now onto me. As I said, I think my parents did a good job raising me. They helped me out a lot financially, and I am very grateful for this. I learned a lot from the example that they set. I have never bought a brand new car, I don't live outside of my means. My wife and I don't have any kids, we want to, but it scares me. We don't buy new things. We don't have iPhones, fancy cars, own any designer clothing, etc... We use coupons, but generic products, watch movies at home, things like that. We are both college grads. We both have full time jobs. Yet we find it harder and harder to make it month to month. Why? I was saddened when the came in and laid off half of the people that I work with. Sad for them, secretly glad that I didn't meet the same fate. For that reason I kept my mouth closed when my work load doubled to make up for the short staff. I kept quiet when I didn't get a raise for 3 straight years. I kept quiet when Christmas bonuses become a four letter word. I kept quiet when my insurance costs more than doubled. I kept quiet when I realized that I made more money 7 years ago (at the same job), than I do today. Property taxes more than doubling, owing more on a house that I will ever get in return for it, etc.. When do I get to speak up? How long do the others like me have to keep quiet? I did everything "right" yet suffer every day for it, as do many others. I didn't lose all of money in the stock market because I didn't put any in there (I did lose all of my 401k, but hey, I am young, maybe I will make some of it back). I didn't buy a house that was way more than I could afford. I have tried to save as much as I could. Why is that the people who did everything the "right" way, are losing their asses?

I don't even know what I am saying here, does this make sense? Does anyone even care?

Where Does It All End...

So I sit here closer to my 33rd birthday than my 32nd, and I am left wondering... Where does it all end? My 33rd birthday will also mark my 20 year affair with my mistress that is punk rock. I have given more than half of my life to her. It makes me wonder.... Where does it all end? 20 Years of dressing like a 13 year old, 20 years of searching through bins to hunt down these records that have changed my life, 20 years of standing uncomfortably in a sweaty basement to watch some band scream about the same things over and over... Where does it all end? Okay, I actually stopped going to concerts many years ago, but that was only because I came down with a case of the concert anxieties. So now I am older, married and looking to start a family and I find myself wondering... where does it all end? I do have some sweet memories, a decent record collection and a few fliers left over, but where does that really get me? Will I be 50 and still trying to hunt down some obscure Japanese record that I NEED to have for my collection? Will I pass this obsession on to my children? Some times I consider being selfish and letting them discover this stuff for themselves. Either way, they will still think I am a dork, and they will be correct. While most people spent their 20's doing drugs, drinking and getting laid, I drove around the midwest asking other nerds where the punk section was. Oh well, no way to change the past. I guess I do have all of that to thank for my social awkwardness and my inability to talk to almost anyone.

So yeah, thanks Black Flag, thanks to the million shitty Oi! bands that I was obsessed with, thanks Negative Approach, The Avengers, Screeching Weasel, The Replacements, Misfits, MDC, Minor Threat. You all helped it to sting a little less that I spent high school hiding out in my room. You did get me chased and called a "fag" more than once though. Oh well, it is a bitter sweet affair we have had. Lastly I ask myself once again... where does it all end?

Nice Fur Coat, Oh Wait...

While on vacation we went swimming in one of two outdoor, heated swimming pools. While in the hot tub a overly hairy, somewhat older gentleman got out and decided to start drying himself off. Not really a problem or anything, except that I noticed halfway through the drying of his massive hair vest that the towel he was using was mine. After I threw up a little in my mouth I mentioned to my wife what was going on. She proceeded to confront the man about his faux-pas. He was very apologetic and offered to return the towel, which I thought was extremely nice of him. I think I am still pulling someone else's hair off of my clothing. Damn, that dude was hairy! Hairy, but nice.

V-A-C-A-TION!

So this past week the wife and I took a bit of an escape to the wonderful city of Boyne Mountain, Michigan. It was a fun filled week/weekend that involved winter sport like events. There were also some wacky hi-jinks that occurred whilst we were there, so I thought i would share some of them with everyone...

Along the trip I saw a few signs that caught my attention and I thought I would share them.

First off...

• "Let's get ice cream after you paralyze us".

This was a road sign promoting safe driving and wearing seat belts, still a tad harsh though.

• "Like a cult only with better Kool-Aid"

This was for a restaurant. I thought this was pretty funny. The humor is a little old, but I am still old enough to have heard of Jonestown and their like of grape Kool-aid. I wonder if Jonestown use of Kool-aid made its popularity decline for awhile?

• "Illegal activities will be prosecuted"

Not really an odd sign because you see these everywhere. I did find it odd that it was posted outside of a men's bathroom at a truck stop. I wonder what kind of "illegal" activities are going on in this truck stop bathroom? Wait, no, I don't.

• "Browntown 5 miles"

I just that calling a town "browntown" sounded a bit racist. What do I know though.

• "Homemade pasties"

This was outside of a restaurant that we stopped at. I have been informed that "pasties" are also a kind of pot pie. Whatever. There is also another meaning for "pasties" and that is the one I am going to use. I have also included a picture of that sign.

That's Quite A Mess You've Got On Your Hands, And On A Dry Run...

So today at work they gave us cinnamon rolls for Valentine's Day. I truly do heart me some cinnamon rolls, but this sweet nectar of the gods that was offered to us brought about some interesting comments. I feel that i can not keep these comments to myself. so here goes...

"Time for some goo"

Person 1: "Boy, my hands are gonna be really sticky when I am done"

Person 2: "It's okay, everyone is gonna be really sticky"

Person 1: "This is just too big!"

Person 2: "Just use your hands then"

"I am gonna be hurting after this"

"Lord that's drippy"

"My mouth is really gonna be sore when I am done"

Okay, I was the one who said that last one. I did. And it really does.

Damn You Cher...

When I was a lot younger I would watch this mask movie on a daily basis. I don't know what it was about it, but I loved it. I do know that my love affair with this movie had absolutely nothing to do with Cher being in it. Little did I know at the time, but Cher would play a part in my life later on. When I got a little older I became infatuated with music and would constantly watch MTV (there was a time when MTV played videos by bands that rocked so hard that they could impregnate someone just by the power of their rock, instead of just playing shows about idiots who are already preggers), of course at this time  I was patiently waiting for the new Poison or Mötley Crüe video. One day as I turned on the MTV, wearing my jean jacket vest that my Mom had so lovingly sewed my patches on to, and I am met by the sounds of a woman "singing" while dancing around on a navy ship while being roughly 1/5 of the way clothed. For the first time in my life, I questioned my sexuality. If this "woman" is supposed to "turn me on", something is deeply wrong. On a side note, if MTV played this video now, they would probably have less shows about teen pregnancies. So back to my story... this has to of been the worst thing I have ever seen in my life! It made me want o poke my eyes out! This may also be the moment that MTV "jumped the shark". So yeah, to recap... Cher made me question my sexuality as a youngster, and to this day I shudder every time I hear that stupid fuckin' song, and if I hear Poison or Mötley Crüe, I tense up in fear of what will be next!

Keep On L.A.R.P.ing In The Free World...

So last night I faked myself into main stream guy culture, and I was successful! The wife and I went to a sports bar and watched the UFC fight thingy. I could honestly care less about watching 2 dudes beat the piss out of each other. Either way, I enjoyed myself. The place was fuckin' huge! it was in an old movie theater and the put big screen tvs up where all the movie screens used to be. I walked in to them playing Enuff Z'Nuff. Seriously, what bar that isn't totally backwoods, is still rocking out hessian culture in this day and age? Either way, totally awesome and it had me geekin' out right away. Other highlights included Skid Row, Britny Fox (althought they didn't play the song girlschool, they still played Britny fuckin' Fox!) and a little Diamond Dave, DLR, David Lee Roth! Zippidy fuckin' doo! I guess another highlight was watching my wife get the drunkest I have ever seen her in our relationship. Neither of us are really drinkers, so it didn't really take all that long. She was getting pretty crazy and the night ended with her dancing her way through the parking lot and trying to climb her car. For all I know, the 80's metal inspired her and she was trying to go all Whitesnake video, and dance across her car. To recap: I went to a sports bar last night, DID NOT get punched, had a good time and watched my wife get completely shit faced. L.A.R.P. successful. Zippidy fuckin' Bop!

Oh My...

So this afternoon I grabbed my phone and for some reason the thing started freaking out on me. I would like to point out that I am in no way what I would call a tech savvy person. I just learned how to text message a month ago and I am in my very early 30's. So anywho back to my tale... so my phone starts freaking out on me and all of a sudden my wallpaper is set as a pair of cupped breasts. Well hello! I found myself a little excited (not sexually) as I wondered where these came from. Are they my wifes? No, I don't remember doing that. Could she of possibly taken the picture and it on there as a surprise for me? No, that doesn't sound like something she would do. Did someone else take my phone and do this? No, I don't know anyone who would dare do something like that to me. As all of these thought flash through my head,  my excitement quickly turns to fear, which turns to disgust as I start remembering this past weekend. What I am staring at is indeed a picture that my wife took. Unfortunately it is a picture that my wife took of me cupping my moobs. It was my friends birthday this past weekend and as a joke I decided to sext him a picture of my moobs. He laughed. I didn't when I revisited the picture. Oh well. They were quite full if I do say so and I think I will hold on to that picture for the next birthday that comes up.

Supergirl Has A Nice Rack...

So i guess I am condensing some other blogs that I have that no one reads to this one. Why have 5 unread blogs when I can just put it all on one. So here is a funny little post about my wife. I will add a few more here as well...

So yesterday my wife accompanied me to the comic book store. I am not huge into comic books, but everyone once in awhile I like to stop by and look. I tend to do things like this by myself as I know that my wife really could care less. Seeing as we were already running errands I asked her if we could swing by and take a look, surprisingly, she was totally on board. So off we go to the comic store....

So I am wandering around looking at things and there are only 4 people in the store; me, my wife, the owner and some random dude. So my wife goes her own way and I go mine. So I come walking up to her and I hear mumbling. I round a corner to see her standing there with a horrified look on her face. So I ask her "who were you talking to?". She starts laughing because she thought that the random dude standing a few feet away from her was me. He then proceeds to tell her that Supergirl doesn't and he laughs and walks away. So now I am curious, Supergirl doesn't what? Apparently my better half had told the random dude that she thought was me, that she didn't understand why all of the girls in comic books had such big boobs.

Knowing My Enemy...

So as I get older I seem to put on more and more weight. As a dude, it all seems to gravitate towards my mid section. This has caused me to have a new enemy. You may think that this new enemy would cookies, or candy, or something equally as good. You, good reader, would be 100% completely wrong. I should probably avoid these things at all cost, but I am actually referring to....(duh, duh, duhhhhhhhh) SOCKS! Yes, socks are my new enemy. Having a little more girth around my mid-section has made it more of a challenge to put socks on. When I was younger (aka skinnier) it was never a problem to get a pair of socks on. now I find myself coming up with new and creative ways to get those little bastards wrapped around my feet. I find myself lying in weird position on the floor, reaching behind my back, jumping off the bed while my wife holds them out, whatever it takes. I am pretty close to giving up completely on wearing socks, what will it matter, I haven't seen them in years anywho.

So socks... I think that it is time that our relationship comes to an end. As much as I would like to say it is you, I think this one is totally me.

How About The Time That....

I was skateboarding with a chick that I happened to be dating and a car full of high school dudes drove by calling me a faggot and throwing stuff at me? No, well it happened. It is one of the highlights of my life and probably the greatest story of me being called a faggot. This wasn't the only time that ever happened, I have become side tracked though. Well back to the lecture at hand... so this chick I am dating wants to learn how to skateboard. Seeing as how I actually used one of these contraptions way back in the day, I volunteer to teach her. I would like to point out that balancing and turning were about the only things I knew how to do. Rudimentary skills, I know, but no one asking how to skate vert. So anywho... we are putting around on her street when we decide to skate up to the local school parking lot. So as we turn the corner onto the street that intersects hers, there is a car full of teens that comes screeching around the corner. All of sudden I am bombarded with soda cans and taunts of faggot. Really? I am in my mid twenties and being verbally and garbageally assaulted by a car load of teenage boys. At least when I was younger and was greeted with the taunts of skate or die, the kids were my age, and they never called me names. I thought that as I grew up the name calling and generally douche baggery would cease, wrong again. At least they continued to drive away and didn't stop and decide they would be chasing me. If this would of happened, I would of pushed that chick in front of them and booked it. That relationship was doomed for a long time anyway.

So Last Weekend...

I went out of town and saw an interesting billboard. I guess I could also say that I saw that billboard about the little kids asking for ice cream after they are paralyzed. Still weird. Still overkill. This trip I also saw a billboard for a dentist that specialized in dentures. The sign read "Don't die with your teeth in a glass". I thought that was pretty morbid. By morbid I mean that I almost drove off the road in a fit of laughter. At least my teeth were in my head.

No Sleep Til'....

So last night was another restless night. I don't understand why my medicine keeps me up all night. I hope to get better soon because i am going on 3 months with no sleep. It is really taking its toll on me. I guess on a positive note, it will prepare me for fatherhood. At least last night I was productive. Instead of tossing and turning for hours, I actually got out of bed a wrote 2 new songs. Well, I wrote the music for 2 new songs, lyrics are where I struggle.

Did I Ever Tell You About The Time....

That I met Color-Me-Badd? True story. Not all that exciting though. So when I was younger my family used to go on vacations to hotels. Not hotels in different states, but hotels the next town over. I know, very exciting. So my parents and my aunt and uncle decide we are all going to the hotel for the weekend. So me and my 3 cousins (1 boy and 2 girls) pack all our shit up for a vacation to the next town over. To be fair, the next town over has a really nice mall. This was in the middle of my metal head phase, so my cousin and I pack up the boombox, a shit ton of extra batteries and our collection of Metallica tapes. So we spent the weekend hanging around in the room listening to ...And Justice For All. Eventually we decided to head out into the hotel. The place looked like Merry-Go-Round had thrown up all over (when I say Merry-Go-Round I mean the store, not the ride). So my cousin and I decide to investigate the crowd of girls lookin' oh so fresh. Upon reaching the center of this mob we are confronted by three of the goofiest lookin' motherfuckers ever! One of them was the dude with the hair, you know, the one that looked like Kenny G! So to sum this story up... you best believe that we screamed like all the girls that surrounded us and go their autographs! Man, I wish I still had that.

Jason's Deli Part II: I Return...

So I went to jason’s deli today, thought I would give them a second chance. So I ordered myself the grilled cheese and potato chips with a beverage. Much to my chagrin, the total was $4.50ish. This made me happy after last time. Then after waiting for what seemed like an hour I am delivered the delicious meal that I ordered! But wait... I asked for potato chips, not apple slices. I give up on this place. Fool me once, shame on me....fool me twice, I hate you and will never return to your establishment again even if you give me free stuff to try and make me forget about the wrong doings that you have caused me.

I Scream, Why Are You Screaming About Ice Cream?

It has been a long time since I have done anything here, so this will be a double post. What should I write a double post about? How 'bout ice cream? As a former ice cream jockey I have a soft spot for ice cream related mishaps. Are we ready to go? Okay...let's do this!

So awhile ago I am at the local McDonald's. So I place my order and am waiting patiently for my food to arrive and listening to the cashier's chat. Apparently it is the one girls first day so they are teaching her the ropes. A lady walks in behind me and starts eyeing the menu. After she wipes the drool from her chin she proceeds to step up to the new girls cash register. She glances over the giant note stating that it is the girls first day so please be patient. The women orders an ice cream cone. The girl excitedly rings up her first order and proceeds to make the ice cream cone. She goes to hand the ice cream cone to the women, and she is proud of her accomplishment. The women disgustedly stares at the cone and refuses to accept it, claiming that it is too unattractive for human consumption. Admittedly, the cone is not perfect, but will that really alter the taste? The girl looks dejected as another, more experienced, co-worker makes the ice cream cone. The women is satisfied with this new cone and proceeds to down the entire top portion in one fell swoop. I think the entire thing was gone by the time she made it to the door! So the ugly cone could not be consumed in 2 bites? Really? I felt bad for the girl working and told her that I thought her cones looked great. Wait a minute... in hindsight maybe that wasn't the best thing to say. Well either I totally made some chicks day, or it just got a lot creepier.


On to story number two which is another oldie that I find to be a goodie. The wife and I were out of town and needed to gas up before heading home. We pull into this little gas station, and my eyes are greeted with one of the most confusing sights that they have ever seen. In front of me lies a women who is sprawled out across a parking space, two younger children that are hysterically crying and the most rag tag biker gang ever. They are all surrounding an ice cream cone that has obviously just been dropped and landed ice cream side down. I run into the gas station to pick up some drinks and snacks for the drive and upon returning, all is gone. All of it, even the ice cream cone. All the remains is a bit of melted ice cream and a few tears. I have so many unanswered questions! I want to know what happened here. Was the crying over the spilled ice cream? Was the ice cream thrown in anger? Why were they kids crying? What did the biker gang have to do with any of this? Do they travel the country knocking peoples ice cream cones out of their hands? If they do, they are kinda dicks. What happened to the ice cream? Was it thrown away? Possibly eaten? So many questions...

Rantin' And Ravin' Volume 2

Today's rant is brought to you by Jason's Deli. So today my co-workers decide that they want to go to lunch...and they invite me to go with. I will start out by saying that I am one of the pickiest eaters ever. My diet consists of about 5 things and none of them are green. SO...I tag along. Upon arriving I am greeted by someone asking me if they can take my order. I casually ask them if the serve grilled cheese, and in an excited tone they assure me that they do. I promptly order myself a grilled cheese and a beverage. I am then asked what kind of bread I would like and I reply with white. This question is followed with what kind of cheese would I like. I ask for my list of options and they kindly rattle off about 10 different cheese. Being the purist, a.k.a. picky eater, that I am, I opt for American cheese. I am then told that my total is $9.16. Wait. Did you say $9.16? For a grilled cheese and a drink? Well, I pay the ransom for the safe return of my sandwich, but still feel iffy about the cost. Who knows, maybe it is a gourmet sandwich? Or possibly the most mammoth piece of molten cheese to ever get slapped between two pieces of bread?

Finally my sandwich arrives. Wait a minute...what is this? I find myself staring dumbfoundedly (is that really a word?) at a black square with what look like grill marks across it. I pick it up to inspect it and sure enough, there is the faint sight of orange, melted goodness. I was worried that I got the wrong order. I slowly bring this charred mess to my mouth, maybe I should hold my nose? Well, here  goes nothing. UGH! This is by far the worst AND most expensive grilled cheese sandwich that I have ever had the displeasure of eating. Do you know what a charred, black mess tastes like? It tastes exactly how it sounds...terrible! Who would've thunk that a classic sandwich could be ruined? On a positive note, the soda was very refreshing.

Upon returning to work, I remembered that I had the receipt! Well lets take a looky and see how this breaks down. $1.99 for a soda? Well no wonder it was so expensive. It was a large, rather refreshing soda, so okay. That still leaves 6 and change for a sandwich. So the "sandwich" itself costs $6.29.  That is a rather high fee for a black sandwich. I take another glance and notice that i was charged 28¢ for cheese. I understand that 28¢ is not a large sum of money, but.... I ordered a grilled CHEESE sandwich. CHEESE is right there in the title, yet I still have to pay for said cheese. This also means that I paid roughly $6.00 for 2 pieces of bread. And not just any bread, the blackest, most charred piece of bread I have ever had.

So I guess to recap I can say... Fuck You Jason's Deli. This was by far one of the worst dining experiences of my life. I will also say that I am one of the easiest people to please, so if I complain, it is bad! Fuckin' hippies ruining my lunch.

Fuck You, Vince Neil...

So I guess I should follow up my Descendents posts with another gem from the summer of 91'. I may be wrong on my dates or I just found out about it at this time, but apparently VInce Neil had quit Mötley Crüe. See, before the internet, you actually had to read magazines to find out information like this, and I scoured the pages of Hit Parader and Metal Maniacs to know what was going on in the wonderful world of metal music.

What the fuck? Seriously dude, what is wrong with you? Why would anyone quit the greatest band ever! These are the thoughts that ran through my 12 year mind when I read about this. Wait, I have the greatest idea ever... I will be the new singer of the Crüe! (I am still 12 at this time) Yeah, I don't know why I thought that they would ever want my pimply face being in a band with them. They had drugs and groupies, I had a curfew. My parents wouldn't even let me cross a busy street, but I am gonna tour the world with a bunch of dudes that are covered into tattoos and herpes. Well, I don't really know about that last one, but from things I read later in life... So yeah back to my dream... So I AM going to be the new singer for Mötley Crüe. I practiced as often as I could. I would wait until my parents were not around and would learn the lyrics and sing along at the top of my lungs. I guess I should not say that I would sing, more of a talking loudly. I practiced for months to prepare myself for the opportunity of a lifetime. Eventually my fascination with this totally and abruptly ended. I still have no idea why it ended...maybe it was that I had read that they found a new singer (he was a loser), or maybe just my 12 year old mind with all of its grand schemes had found something new and moved on. Whatever the reason was, I will always remember the summer that I rocked the world singing for the one and only Mötley Crüe... in my mind that is. Thank you and good night!

Albums That Changed My Life Part 2: The Descendents-Two Things At Once

Sorry there I am getting ready to go to my friends birthday party. It was 7th grade and my good friend Tim was having a bunch of people over for a party. Tim was probably the nerdiest person I knew at that time. His voice cracked, he wore glasses and collected comic books (he is probably really successful nowadays), but he was still one of my best friends (I wasn't, and still am not the coolest of people). So a bunch of us go to his house for pizza and to watch some movies on his brand new laser disc player. As we chow down on some food we watch "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" (at the time there was supposed to be some racey scenes that you could only see on the laser disc version). As the party starts to wind down an older kid that is there puts on a cd (also a somewhat new thing at the time). What proceeds to pour out of the little speakers on the stereo will haunt my for years to come, and not in a bad way. The singer barks out "I like food, food tastes good" and the band dives into this onslaught of guitars and drums. Before I even realize what just happened, the song is over, and my life is forever changed. See, at this time in my life I was deep into my hair metal phase. My life was all about Poison, and Mötley Crüe, my days were filled with KISS and Britney Fox. For weeks I spent my days wandering around and trying to get my head around what I had heard. "I like food, food tastes good" is all I hear for weeks, months, years... I also remember at the time that I was in a music class in school that required us to write a song. Being that I have/had little to no musical talent, I penned an awesome ditty entitled "I hate food, food tastes bad". My teacher never knew that I stolen that little ditty from the Descendents, shit, I don't know if I was really sure if I actually heard that song or had dreamt it. It would be another couple of years before I remembered this song and actually picked up a copy of it for myself. Not my favorite Descendents song, but still a damn good song that reminds me of days gone by...

Cleaning House...

So some of my in-laws have decided to have a garage sale this year. I decided I should partake as well, just to clean some stuff out. One somewhat little known fact about me is that i tend to be a pack rat of sorts, or as I refer to it, a "collector". It amazing the amount of crap that one can accumulate in a meager 30 years. I have recently started the slow and daunting task of going through "my life" and weeding out what I feel I no longer need. Multiple skateboards? Keepers. Simpsons party plates? No one really needs those. The list goes on and on. Mountains upon mountains of sports cards? I can't believe how truly worthless these things are. I have considered saving them just in case the zompocalypse happens, that way I have something to get the fire going. Of course going through the piles of crap, you are bound to find a few gems. Some things that I have found include a picture from roughly 7th or 8th grade, lots of garbage pail kids of varying sizes and series and a misfits bobble head. Apparently at some point in my life I felt it necessary to purchase a Jerry Only bobble head, this is one thing I think I will try to sneak into my permanent collection.  So I continue to prepare for the garage sale. Here's to hopin' that I make some mad cash, or at least enough to buy myself lunch.

What Is The Problem?

So for those of you that don't know, sometimes I like to draw pictures on my computer, I am not all that good at it, but I still enjoy it. So on my free time, I sometimes like to create ads for companies and then send them off to said companies with the hopes of them actually being used, so far that has yet to happen. So recently I designed two ads for handi-snacks, a personal favorite of mine, and sent them off to Kraft. After numerous emails asking when I would see these in magazines, or on billboards, they finally started asking me to leave them alone. Why? What have I done wrong? I am giving you ads that you can use, and I ask for nothing in return. I am donating these because of a genuine love of all things Kraft.

Here is ad number one...

I feel that the sentiment is true. I would much rather eat Handi-snacks than get punched in the fuckin' face! Who wouldn't? I am still not understanding why this was rejected.

Moving along to ad number two. You will notice that I went with a similar design for this one as to keep the theme going on throughout...

Again, I believe that there is no arguing as to which one would rather have. Please get in touch and let me know where the problem lies. Thanks!

Glamourpuss: The Enchanting World Of Kitty Wigs

Yes, you read that correctly! There is finally a book devoted to putting wigs on your cat! This is a favorite activity of mine and it is finally nice to see that others enjoy my favorite past time as well! This is a wonderful little book of, you guessed it, cats wearing wigs and other costumes.

Okay.... Back to reality.... I am shocked that there is actually a book dedicated to this. Sure, sometimes I like to put glasses on my dog, and yes, I do laugh hysterically when I do, but no one else needs to see this. Why the need for an entire book showcasing this? I am including a few pictures of this so that others can see how crazy this is. Although I will admit that I was quite tempted to purchase this book so that I could leave it on my coffee table, that way when guests came over they could second guess their friendship with me.

My Trip To Von Maur

Yesterday the wife decided to return a bunch of stuff that she had gotten for her birthday. So off we headed to the mall for what would surely be a wonderful experience. Not being a fan of Von Maur (a little too classy for my liking) or malls in general, I was prepared for a boring Sunday afternoon. Upon arriving at the mall I quickly made my way to the bathroom, as I was washing my hands I look over to see a needle return... what? In the Von Maur bathroom? When did such a ritzy place start offering a place to drop off your used needles? Is there a huge heroin problem amongst the upper crust of the Chicago suburbs? Where was I through all of this? Odd indeed. After the bathroom I am following my wife around closely, so as to try and avoid the workers that follow me around like I am stealing. She is over in the pajama section so I am somewhat paying attention when I see a early 20's man/boy with his obviously pregnant and obviously much older mother (I hope). She is showing him lingerie and asking him what he things and he responds with grabbing another article and showing her. This is quite the mother and son relationship! This continued on for some time and unfortunately they started speaking Polish so I could no longer ear hustle. If only I had paid attention when my family was speaking the language, maybe I could of understood this relationship. So that was how I spent my afternoon.

Albums That Changed My Life Part 1: The Misfits - Evilive

The Misfits Evilive, what can I say? This would be my introduction to one of the greatest bands ever, yeah I said it, EVER! Where to begin...

So there I am sitting at lunch in 7th grade, just enjoying my nachos. My friend walks up and tells me that his older brother has some music for me, and produces a2 cassette tapes (this was 20ish years ago). I say thanks and shove them in my bag and promising that I will listen to them once I arrive home. 6 Or so hours later and I take the two tapes out and give them the once over. Corrosion Of Conformity... I like the skulls on the cover so I pop it in my tape deck. Eye For An Eye doesn't really impress me all that much (it still doesn't). Next up is the misfits. I really like the art work on this one, it has skulls and people in coffins, very evil looking. Side note... when I was younger (like 7) my family went on vacation and there were these 2 older kids at the same place, they wore Misfits shirts everyday. Where was I? Oh yeah, skulls, evil... So I put this tape in and press play and am amazed by what I hear!. This band has everything that a 12 year old with some issues is looking for... imagery that will annoy my parents, swearing that will annoy my parents, screaming that will annoy my parents, it is the perfect album for a 12 year old! I listened to this tape for a month straight, until I finally returned it. I can barely listen to this album anymore (not that big into live albums), but will often listen to their studio stuff. It was a few more years until I got a 15th generation copy of Walk Among Us. That would of been the 1st album that would change my life, except I heard Evilive first, oh well. So that is it for the first installment...

Rantin' And Ravin'

So as I am walking out of my building the other day, my eyes are greeted by a new car parked in front of it.  No big deal, living in a condo you have new neighbors all of the time, or your old neighbors have new friends. As I am walking by I spot a bumper sticker that has been neatly placed onto the bumper. As my eyes adjust I can make out that the sticker has the image of a man, a plus sign, the image of a women and that it all equals marriage. Excuse me? Did I just see correctly that someone is driving around with a bumper sticker on their car that says that marriage should be between a man and a woman? In this day in age? As my brain tries to adjust to the beating it has just taken, I notice that their license plate is a vanity plate proclaiming....wait for it...go vegan. GO VEGAN! Now my brain is going through a complete meltdown. So you mean to tell me that you are homophobic AND a vegan? Maybe I too am narrow minded, because I never expected to see those two things together. This is a combination of the ultra right wing Christian fundamentalist nut.... combined with the peace loving, free thinking, ultra left wing hippy. Is there a term for this? Well, one besides crazy.

In the year 2011 I expect a little more tolerance, especially living outside of Chicago. I am still confused as to why gay marriage is not legal? Why does the government feel the need to get involved? I thought we had a separation of church and state in this country, yet this is obviously a religious crusade. The excuse that it gives marriage a bad name is so played out, straight people ruined that shit a long time ago.  There are so many things to post on this subject, and everyone has a differing opinion. All I know is that if it were up to me, I would let them get married. Love is love. It does not matter if it is between a man and a woman, or a man and a man, a woman and a woman or even a man and his goat. Okay, that last one was a joke, just wanted to see if you were paying attention.